When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.or do they? A bar in Hamburg near a shopping mall has set up a special kindergarten for men offering beer, hot food, televised football and games to keep any tantrums at bay, while their wives and girlfriends go shopping. The idea for "Mannergarten" came from a female customer who thought it would be a good way of getting shot of her husband so she could shop in peace. She found it all too stressful shopping with him and thought this might be the solution. For 10 euros the men are offered boys games and home-improvement coaching as well as a hot meal, two beers and football on the television. "Last week the men had a remote control car to play with. Next week there´s going to be a mini racetrack," said Mr Stein, the manager.
And in the UK supermarkets, can you believe this? David Beckham has been spotted leaving the shops with a succession of naughty women. The England captain has also been dragged outside by a few dodgy men. But before Posh chokes on her paella, we can reveal the Beckham in question is in fact a cardboard cut-out, copies of which are being ´kidnapped´ from Tesco. The life-size replicas have been flying out of stores faster than an Alex Ferguson boot, as fans brazenly march off with them. Sad ****ards!
And whilst on the subject of ´the beautiful game´ Michael Owen´s wife was being interviewed by a glossy magazine and was asked did she remember her first date with Michael? "Oh yes", she replied. "He came up to me and asked if he bought me a drink would I sleep with him?" "And what did you think to that?” asked the interviewer. "I thought he was a little forward".
Whilst here in Palma the council have come with a cracking idea for shoppers. If you park in the Parc de Mar car park they are going to have 30 bikes available, free of charge for as long as the car is parked there.
Did you miss the interesting statistic released by Calvia´s municipal cleaning company, Calvia 2000?
It appears they had to deal with perceptibly less rubbish this summer compared with last (for those really interested, 2% less in July and 3.8% in August).
This of course did not faze a number of us as, with the sacking of the Empress Marge and her band, there was bound to be less garbage spouted!
I,´m sure you´ve noticed the fact that one of the biggest superyachts in the world, Lady Moura is missing from Palma.
Rumour has it that after its facelift in Germany she´ll be heading for the South of France for some considerable time.
There you are, I was right again when I said that the rumour was that Soller will be developing more moorings.
They have recently announced an investment in the development of 7 million Euros over the next 4 years. The main motivation is that there are often up to 100 boats anchored in the bay which contaminate the bay’s waters.
The other side of the development coin is that there will be a restriction (except in emergencies) on the number of yachts that will be allowed to anchor.
Did anyone read the article on the local youth sail training charity, Joves Navegants in a locally run magazine by its ´business director´, Sheila MacMillan? Firstly I thought the aim was to teach adolescent youths the camaraderie and pleasure of seamanship: however one of the article´s accompanying pictures depicts what looks very much like a kiddies´ jolly? There is also a nice picture of Robert Winsor handing over a cheque of 4000 Euros to the charity- and good for him to!
But where was any mention of the main source of money that has kept J.N. afloat for the past 10 years or so?
This was from umpteen hundreds of thousands of Pesetas raised by yachtsmen and marine companies at the annual Pinmar yachtsmans´ golf competition.
Was this omission an oversight or deliberate one wonders?
But helloooo surely the writer can´t be the same Sheila MacMillan who is the current treasurer of J.N? Bates´ weather-eye spots some troubled waters; methinks we´ll hear more of this!
I was sharing some bon mots washed down with some amber neck oil with a local marine service bod the other day and asked him how business was.
His reply, if it wasn´t so true, would be funny.
"I´ve got to run around the world beating successful, entrepreneurial businessmen within an inch of their mean lives, to get bills paid."
Come on chaps, I know that MY Dunsharedealin is a toy but the service and supply companies are not playing; they have mouths to feed, feet to shod, taxmen and wolves to be kept from the door, not to mention golf club bar bills to pay!
The encounter between Fiji and Scotland in the rugby world cup had perhaps more edge than many know. Apparently, very recently, a Fijian tribe have offered their apologies for eating a ´sweaty´ missionary 136 years ago.
They tucked into the Rev. Thomas Baker for breaking the taboo of touching the chief on the head.
They believe that the acceptance of the apology will lift a curse on them. There is no reference to how the curse manifests itself but perhaps the villagers´ women all have shaggy red beards and when excited (to put it politely) cry "Och aye Tommy lad"?
In one account of the meal a villager said, "We ate every part of him except his boots". There is no recollection of what happened to the boots but I would like to start the rumour that the chief had some studs put on them and wore them in the very first Fijian international rugby match.
Everyone who knew Nigel and Becky of Elite Charters, who are now living on the Isle of Wight, will I´m sure join me in congratulating them on the arrival of a son, Benjamin.
Donal is always moaning at me for not mentioning him and his splendid and miraculous feats of feeding the hordes.
By all accounts he excelled himself at the DoyleVela bash and I can vouch for the splendid spread he turned out again for the Pinmar golf do. If you’re looking for an outside caterer Dons your man, Tel:609652308
Whilst on the subject of the Pinmar golf week-end at Poniente golf club and Pirates I can only wonder at the excellent organisation of Nick Entwisle and his motley crew.
And further I have to say that I can thoroughly recommend Pirates for a splendid swashbuckling night out.
Take the telephone number, 971130411 and ask Jackie about the discount for yachties.
They’ve finished for the season now but put it in your diaries for a ´must do next year´.
The new laws regarding Spanish flagged and charter yachts requiring holding tanks is entering into force pretty damn soon and with a possible hefty 6,000 Es fine for non-compliance it’s no time for lavatory humour.
No doubt someone will benefit from this as yachts scramble to retro-fit tanks. As the famous phrase goes, Where there´s muck there´s brass´.
This is silly but made me snigger.
A bloke goes to the doctor and says:
"I don´t know whether you can help me but I keep thinking I´m a moth?"
"Sorry", says the doctor, "You need to see a psychiatrist".
"I was on my way to see him", said the guy, "but your light was on so I popped in..."
Now this one is not for the prudish.
Two girls had a night on the town without their respective husbands.
On the way home through the cemetery one says she needed a pee.
After she´d finished, she had nothing to dry herself on so used her knickers and
threw them away.
A couple of minutes later the second one decided she wants a pee.
But seeing what her pal did, gently took off her knickers, laid them on the ground and had her wee. When she finished, she picked up a bunch of flowers nearby and dried herself on them and put her knickers back on again.
The next morning the two husbands met and one said: "My God the girls must have had a good night last night, my wife came home with no knickers on."
"That´s nothing", said the other guy, "my missus had a card sticking on her bum saying: ´fond memories from all the lads at the rugby club - we´ll miss you´!
I hear that the taxman has come down hard in Puerto Paranoia (aka Portals) when they found a ´black worker´ in the Mundimar yard.
There’s a security guard at the entrance now so make sure you’ve got your papers if you want to get in to do some work.
I wonder how long that will last?
Hasta la pronto,
Bates