They can bail Michael Douglas (and Blodwen Zeta-Slapper) out of his loss making Costa Nord with the ridiculous pretext of him being an ambassador for Mallorcan tourism (..err isn´t he more actively promoting Bermuda as they have a house, part ownership of a hotel and large building development there?) But all that hob-nobbing and Arselikhan politicking is abruptly ridiculed by a small piece in the local papers last month. (Luckily, I don´t think any of the British or German gutter press picked it up) "Police have arrested four women accused of pick pocketing in Palma. They had no documents and have been arrested on more that 60 occasions for similar offences and for using false names. Most of their victims were foreign tourists."
I would humbly suggest that the thought of going somewhere where you´ve got a bloody good chance of being pick pocketed far outweighs the idea of possibly being on the same island (less and less chance now that they have set up home in Bermuda) as a couple of film stars when choosing a holiday destination. If this continues it is only a matter of time before the sensational international press will pick it up and in one fell swoop negate the millions being spent on the re-building of the local tourist trade that was knackered by circumstances whilst aided and abetted by the last loony left government. It´s quite simple- jail and fine these parasites off the street!
Coming back to Douglas it seems that I´m not alone in that 89% of the respondents to a poll of readers of the Diario de Mallorca thought that he was not their choice to promote the Baleares.
I suppose this is the definition of blind justice? The Spanish Supreme Court has confirmed a Madrid court ruling sentencing the ONCE - National Organisation for the Blind, which sells the daily ONCE lottery coupon - to readmit an employee who was fired because she had become a compulsive gambler.
Margarita Dahlberg, chairwoman of the Association Nautica-PIMEM, recently had a press release published in the opinion column of a local paper.
She also sees the local Balearic marine business perhaps benefiting from the ´crumbs falling off the Valencian table´ but gives dire warning that she feels that the massive development of Valencia and the surrounding coast will create more and more competition for what she interestingly describes as the, "hegemony (domination of one group over another) that Mallorca and the Baleares has obtained in the last 20 years". Now is the time to start promoting the Balearics as far as the nautical business is concerned; not after the final horse has bolted!
However the local industry as a whole has to look at itself very carefully in terms of infrastructure, service quality and price. There is no doubt that the R&R attractions of Mallorca are tremendous but I repeat, without a competitive package of infrastructure, service quality and price, it could well be, adios Mallorca, hola Costa Blanca. The local Spanish speaking marine companies, through organisations such as PIMEM, are gathered in numbers to give their advice to and lobby authorities and the government for support- are your opinions being heard?
I´ve always thought there should be an English speaking marine association, perhaps this threat may be the motivating factor, on the other hand, if history is a guide, you might as well stick your heads back in the sand (or wherever else, the sun don´t shine)!
Well that´s it; I give up! The lunatics are now definitely running the asylum called the UK.
Recently a directive (90/426/EEC to be precise) from the EU has landed on the doorstep of anyone that owns a horse, mule or donkey. They must have a photoID card for each animal at 20 quid a pop. And the jobsworths of the UK say they are going to police it. This apparently keeps a check on the animal´s medical history, which should include details of what it has been fed on to warn us if it´s feed has included any harmful drugs, should you decide to eat it! Why didn´t someone from the Min. of Ag. & Fish tell the great unwashed who lurk on the other side of the channel that Brits are not too fond of Hors d´oeuvre de horse, marinated mule nor donkey foie gras and further, I for one, have never met a Brit who likes his ass roasted in garlic and stuffed with truffles!
Well that’s bloody marvellous!
We will soon know exactly where Dobbin and Eeyore live and what their menus include whilst there doesn´t seem any need to have a photoID to tell us where Mustafa N´Explosion dosses!
I´ll be very interested to know the outcome of this case! Very soon the trial begins in Barcelona against the Fuengirola Imam, Mohamed Kamal Mostafa, accused of writing a book that incites violence against women and sexual discrimination.
In 1997 the Imam wrote the book "The Woman in Islam" which included paragraphs such as: "Beatings must not be hard because the aim is to make them suffer psychologically and not to physically maltreat or humiliate" and "the stick used (for the beatings) must not be too thick, in other words thin and light so as not to leave scars or bruises".
Absolutely spiffing, what? Where else but the London Boat show would you expect to bump into Michael Newton-Woof of Ferretti & Pershing UK and Nicholas Bentley-Buckle of Fleetwater Marine; jolly good show, what?
The land of the brave and the free have always known to be optimists but how about this? "The capture of Saddam Hussein is tremendous news," said Monita Fontaine, vice president of government relations for the U.S. National Marine Manufacturers Association, in an interview recently. "Coupled with the economic recovery, all bodes well for a bright future. Our thoughts are with our troops. We hope they come back safely and go boating!"
The curse of Bates has struck again.
Regular readers will remember that I ´rubbished´ the freebie weakly, ´The Mallorca Reporter´. Well after jus a few short months, as predicted, it´s folded!
On the subject of local media have you seen Ken and Barbie´s latest glossy offering?
They have obviously run out of celebs and Barbie herself is ´gracing´ the front cover modelling.. wait for it.. a Prada frock? ..a little black number from Versace? Nope: a C & A nylon anorak- tres bleedin´ chic!
Then inside they´ve got a few snaps of people at the last Pinmar ´do´ at Pirates. But hold up celeb. spotters; where´s a picture of the only celebrity there that night; ex-world champion boxer, Nigel Benn?
I can reveal that they probably missed him because they were told that they weren´t invited and should bugger off?
In a recent boating magazine article the folllowing statement was made. Though most boating industry executives agree that the industry could benefit from better targeting women, whether the industry and the marketplace is ready to follow in the shoes of automakers like Volvo remains to be seen. A spokesperson said, "Volvo recognized a trend that women are taking the driver’s seat," he said. "I think that in the boating industry the trend is occurring, but a bit delayed."
A bottle of bubbly for the best suggestion (serious or silly) of how to target the fairer sex? Self closing seats on the heads and changing port and starboard to ´ring hand´ and´ wristwatch´ are too obvious!
Marg update.
Can you believe it; the ex-Empress of Calvia actually toyed with the idea of standing in the general elections coming up early next year.
having managed to drag Calvia into a bottomless pit of dept and corruption charges did she really expect the locals to be that bloody supid?
Laughably, when she announced she would not be standing as the socialist candidate she said, " I am a responsible and disciplined person". Too true. She is almost wholly responsible for the disasters that her bunch of clowns left Calvia and no doubt will be disciplined when the courts get their teeth into her!
As regards the 150 million or so Calvia is said to be in the red we should have a concrete figure in a couple of months as an independent auditor will be announced very soon.
Well I knew there is a Pekin and now I´m delighted to inform you that (as I always suspected) there is also a Bonkin.
A hotel manager and a madam, who organised a mass orgy for 300 Japanese businessmen and 400 prostitutes, were jailed for life in southern China last month.
Another hotel manager and 11 nightclub "hostesses" were sentenced to between two and 15 years for their part in the three-day party at the Zhuhai International Conference Centre hotel. Tisk, tisk, inscrotable behaviour!
Ever felt that you´re paying too much tax?
Well it´s a fact; you are.
A recent survey by the bank, BBV has confirmed that each taxpayer in the Balearics pays 871 Euros more than he and she receives in benefits. This is second only to Madrid inhabitants who cough up a surplus of 1,500 Euros. The reason for this? To pay for the services in the poorer areas, namely Andalucía, Asturias, Extremadura & Castilla la Mancha. Now you know you have every right to whinge, especially when you get down to places like Puerto Banus!
I spotted this classified ad in a mainland newspaper. I presume ´Barry´ had a royal warrant but because of the dwindling work he´s now plying his trade in Spain?
"EX-ENGLISH CORGI plumber looking for employment, hardworking, honest and reliable. At present based in Benidorm with own transport & tools".
If you received a nice little bit of paper from a traffic cop last year you were not alone!
Apparently they wrote a record 19% more in 2003 compared with 2002, totalling around a staggering 70,000 multas. The three of the biggest money earners were, speeding, no seat belt and no helmet.
I don´t know about you but I´m ****ed off with the increasing amount of ´spam´ that I´m getting via e-mail! To put the whole thing into perspective one of the biggest e-mail spammers in the US claimed that the economics are that he aims to earn $500 in profit for every 1 million e-mail. By his own admission, he can produce more than 70 million messages a day, from domains registered with fake names - all so that the recipients could not ever trace the mail back to him!
Well perhaps not everybody in Blighty´s bonkers. The audience for the Radio 4 programme were asked to put forward ideas that had a real chance of becoming law. Five were shortlisted and more than 26,000 took part in the final vote. The winning idea would authorise homeowners to use any means to defend their properties from intruders. To put everything into perspective, one unnamed listener suggested that anyone caught towing a caravan should be publicly beheaded. Quite right on both counts what?
For those of you who watch what you eat, here´s the final word on nutrition and health. It´s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
3. Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
4. Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!
Bon Apetit!